# que rufem os tambores

Bem, cá estou eu freaking out! Não que tenha caído a ficha totalmente nem nada disso, mas cada vez que inspiro é um momento a menos, é um momento a mais. Ainda estou naquela fase de segurar o fôlego, segurar as palavras, segurar o coração. Mas eu sei que em poucos fôlegos essa fase vai passar e vai chegar a fase da ansiedade e da agitação. Logo essa também passa e virá a fase do coração partido, da saudade, da vontade de voltar atrás, do medo.
Eu já passei por essas fases e sobrevivi. Mas não importa quantas vezes eu faça tudo de novo, é impossível pular qualquer uma delas ou sentir menos os sintomas.
Então estou me preparando todos os dias para o que virá. Por hora deixando a loucura de lado mas ao mesmo tempo aproveitando o que posso. Porque a vantagem de já ter feito isso não é amenizar os sintomas, mas sim melhorar o foco e fazer transbordar o coração.

# photograph

fotografia: um pedaço de papel que guarda um pedaço de vida.

# drop and live it

Um velho achado, que deveria ser lembrado e proferido vez ou outra.

Stop waiting until you finish school, until you go back to school,
Until you lose ten pounds, until you gain ten pounds,
Until you have kids, until your kids leave the house,
Until you sart work, until you retire
Until you get married, until you get divorced,
Until Friday night, until Sunday morning,
Until you get a new car or home, until home is paid off
Until spring, until summer, until fall, until winter,
Until you are off welfare,
Until the first or the fifteenth,
Until your song song comes on,
Until you've had a drink, until you've sobered up,
Until you die, until you are born again to decide that there is no better time than right now to be happy. Happiness is in the journey, not the destination.
Work like you don't need money, love like you've never been hurt and dance like no one is watching.

# life IS good

I know I don't say this often enough, but I'm so thankful. For everything, really. Of course we have times in life we just wanna quick some asses and complain about the avenue traffic light that is broken in the exact day your alarm didn't ring. But those are just times, moments. The real feeling is happiness and satisfaction. Life is good, we just should open our eyes to it more often.
I'm so grateful for my mom for giving me such a wonderful education; my dad for being such an excellent 'teacher'; the nice, priceless, simple moments in life that makes us smile and laugh until it hurts our cheecks; the rough moments that made me grow so much; the stupid and careless people who made me so much stronger; the loving and disinterested moments that makes us sure life is worth living.

There's really something about the sunshine :)

# making up my mind

Ooh boy, yeah. I believe that sort of deadline is getting waay to close. Am I scared? Hell I am! Am I ready? Hell I am too! Have I made up my mind? Hell no.
This takes a lot of freaking energy, you know? And the biggest lack I've had is exactly that one: energy.
Well, there's nothing really to say but good luck to myself. I need time, a lot of breathing, a free mind and guts, a lot of guts.
Life is not alwasy easy, but you know what? That's what makes it so interesting :)

# strength

Nem sei ao certo o que eu quero dizer dessa vez. Estou escondendo ou adiando minhas palavras na preocupação em colocar a gramática correta, em não errar a vírgula. Talvez já tenha errado, a verdade é que não me importa.
Estou ouvindo uma daquelas músicas que fazem nossa alma se expressar. Aah, como eu gosto dessas músicas! Uma daquelas que a gente gosta no primeiro instante que ouve, que fazem nosso coração acelerar. Estou simplesmente precisando me expressar, sem saber como ou com quem. Então fico procurando nas músicas as palavras certas pra dizer. Um erro talvez. Nenhuma palavra que não saia da minha própira boca poderá dizer o que eu quero, ou talvez dirá.
Acho que o que quero expressar é simplesmente minha decepção no momento. Isso, decepção seria uma boa palavra. É verdade que muitas coisas que acreditamos um dia descobrimos que "não são bem assim", mas é inevitável se decepcionar. Acho que na verdade eu estava colocando minha fé num lugar sem muitas expectativas; gastando minha energia em algo sem valor. Eu sei que aguento. Que aguento muito mais. E que apesar de não demosntrar até para mim mesma, ainda tenho muita paciência. E que no fundo tenho mesmo muito que agradecer à tudo e talvez à todos.

What doesn't kill us, truly makes us that much stronger.

# nada melhor

Provavelmente não há nada melhor do que uma boa música velha que te lembra coisas boas, um sorriso do nada no meio da rua, um cobertor no frio, um abraço na hora do desespero. Provavelmente nada nos faz melhor do que uma desculpa sincera, um recomeço, uma decisão tomada com certeza.
Com certeza não há nada melhor do que momentos sem preocupação, raios de sol, amor.

# one less sunshine

I'll never forget your laugh, your sweet accent and how good you made life sound.
Irony doesn't sound good at all right now.

Paris and I will be waiting for you, my best latvian friend ♥

# wake up call

There are people, indeed, who have reached the top of their lives, people who won't get better than this, beacuse well, maybe beacuse they don't even know there's a better than this. I don't blame them, I can only feel sorry for them. They're just blind, and it doesn't matter how many people will want to open their eyes; if they can't do it by themselves, they just won't. And they will rest blind for their whole lives.
But me, I know there's more for me. I know I have potencial and that there is a whole world to be discovered and explored. Therefore I can't just waste my life in such a place. I can't sit aorund seeing my life pass by right through my eyes.
I may not be the person I would want to be the most, but I do believe we are our own mesters and that we can make us happen. I may not be who I expected me to be, but I'm certainly becoming that person, slowly, overcoming my fears and madness.
I can do it. And you can too. You just gotta open your eyes ;)

# written for me

Have you ever felt like the song you're listening to was probably written by you in your subconscious or something? And when it feels like it was written FOR YOU?
That's how vienna makes me feel:

Slow down, you crazy child.
You're so ambitious for a juvenile.
But then if you're so smart, tell me why are you still so afraid?
Where's the fire? What's the hurry about?
You better cool it off before you burn it out.
You got so much to do and only so many hours in a day.

Don't you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want or you can just get old?
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through.
When will you realize Vienna waits for you?

Slow down, you're doing fine.
You can't be everything you wanna be before your time,
Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight.
Too bad, but it's the life you lead.
You're so ahead of yourself that you forgot what you need.
Though you can see when you're wrong,
You know, you can't always see when you're right.

You've got your passion. You've got your pride,
But don't you know that only fools are satisfied?
Dream on, but don't imagine they'll all come true.
When will you realize Vienna waits for you?

Slow down, you crazy child.
Take the phone off the hook and disappear for a while.
It's all right you can afford to lose a day or two.
When will you realize Vienna waits for you?

Don't you know that when the truth is told
That you can get what you want or you can just get old?
You're gonna kick off before you even get halfway through.
Why don't you realize Vienna waits for you?

When will you realize Vienna waits for you?

# point of view

Life is just really not fair. Maybe it was actually supposed not to be. I'm guessing we'll never know. But still, it goes on. We go on, or we just keep going pretending even to ourselves that we've moved on and that we're ready to what comes next.