# the fear of being seen

We lead our relationships scared of one day not being good enough anymore for the person we chose to be everything for. Every moment that defies us to express our imperfections, our flaws, our weaknesses brings a new load of fear of being “found out”, being seen in a new light, a slightly less flattering one. And the big irony of it is that being vulnerable is what attracts the other human being to you. We all live in that same fear and finding someone who shows how flawed  they are to us is a comfort in a very deep and intimate way. It is like a shot of relief, “Look at that, that one is broken just like me. Phew!”. And yet we carry on feeling ashamed of every little wrong step we take, every opportunity we miss, every procrastination day, every time we are not strong enough to stand up for ourselves. We fear so much that in those moments every other little thing we have disappears. The fact that we are wonderful partners, dedicated friends, passionate lovers. They disappear in the fog of disappointment, the disappointment we have in ourselves. The chance of having screwed up our image to this amazing being who has chosen us. Little do we realize the only being seeing us in such dark light is ourselves. The one on the other side of the table feels only compassion, and honestly a little bit of relief for having another weirdo sitting in front of them.

# resolução

Dessa vez minha lista de resoluções para o novo ano que se aproxima tem apenas um item. Todas as coisas que eu quero que aconteçam, vou me esforçar muito para conseguir mas não vou fazer promessas, nem pra mim mesma. A única coisa que quero conquistar de verdade esse ano que vai começar é aprender a deixar a vida fluir. Simplesmente isso. E a cada dia ir libertando mais meu preocupado coração.
Que venha mais uma etapa e que esta seja sempre melhor. ♡

# frozen peas

Sometimes life doesn't give you lemons. It gives you a punch in the face. And it really is up to you what to make out of it. You can't quite make lemonade and it's almost anti-human not to get angry. But as important as how you deal with it, it is who's there to hand you that bag of frozen peas - because everybody has got one of those in their freezer.

# oh, the future

You know when people ask you about your 5 or 10 year plan? How do you see yourself in 5 years? I could never answer that. It is always so blank and empty to me. There are always so many possibilities, I couldn't possibly settle for one, even hypothetically. But I can foresee what's likely not to happen. I won't be the richest girl in the gang; I won't live in the most luxurious house; I won't have the latest car; I won't spend a whole afternoon at the mall not looking at price tags. I will live. And I'll spend along the way. I'll spend money and I'll spend time. I won't save money, but I'll save memories, I'll keep them in the safest of safes, and of those, I will not let go.